Life after MND - some times days are hard 

Three years on, and life continues to unfold. Some days are fine and other times its like life is standing still.

 

Today is a difficult day , i don't know why, i got up and i seemed fine but I'm not.  I've hit a wall today where i can't seem to motivate myself to do anything, except write this. Writing is my go to when i can't cope and need to try and make sense of what I'm feeling and why. 

I am tearful and am welling up as i write. A great cloud has descended upon me. Its a beautiful sunny cold morning and i should be outside enjoying the freshness of it - you know the mornings i mean, a cold sunny autumn morning.  The garden looks lovely with flowers still out and red acer leaves everywhere adding to the colour. This should be bringing me pleasure but somehow today they aren't.   Part of me knows why its because you loved these type of mornings, you would have been out raking the leaves, drinking a cuppa all wrapped up in the sunshine. I can picture you there.  

 

Everyone has down days, when things just seem too much. I know that tomorrow i'll be fine but that doesn't help today !

I've been very busy recently doing craft fairs to raise money for MNDA and trying to write articles for the Canadian website about being a carer. These things would normally sustain me as i feel like I'm making a difference however small. I'm allowed to have down days i tell myself , that no one would expect me to be alright all the time. Its been three years since you died and some times that loss is felt so strongly that its hard to move past it. 

 

I am still taking each day at a time , even now. Its does get better, as you learn to live along side the grief.