Looking after yourself as a carer

With covid dealing us a double blow coming a week after Craigs diagnosis things were rendered even tougher.

Normally there would have been a lot of support available for me as a carer through the doctors (carers support group) and MNDA (motor neurone disease association) as well as other charities but because of covid there was none.

If you are lucky enough to have a big family you can share the care and give yourself a break. Its important to talk about things with friends and family if you are the sort of person who needs to do this. I know some carers who feel that talking to their family makes it seem as if they are complaining or makes them look weak. They feel that they have to be strong for their family and support them. You have to remember that you can’t shoulder it all you have to share at some point. You have to look after yourself as well. If you would rather talk to someone else, so that you can remain strong in the eyes of your family, there are plenty of people available.

Looking after the mental health of your loved one is important but so is looking after your own mental health. You will be no help to them if you yourself are struggling. Finding time for yourself to do what you like to do whatever that may be is vital. I love to be in the garden so would potter around out there whilst Craig napped or I would go for a short walk or I would read. It doesn’t really matter what it is, just sometimes you need alone time to help you process what is going on. For me again covid stopped some avenues of escape because i was limited in where I went or who I saw. I found comfort in writing; I kept a journal that I’m just managing to read again three years after his death.  Writing down what was happening helped me track his illness and also help me express how I was feeling. By writing it down it helped me process those feelings and made me feel better, almost as if now that they were written down they were dealt with. Sounds a bit odd but it worked for me, and is certainly worth a try.

It is worth googling what help is available in your area or asking your health professionals, who can give you guidance. There are usually group and individual meetings as well as on line support groups that you can access from all sorts of charities. My advice would be don’t cut off ties with groups who offer help just because at the beginning you feel you don’t need it. You may find as the disease progresses having someone there in your corner is reassuring, to talk to or offer advice. Also remember that these support groups are there after you’ve lost your loved one too, they don’t stop because they have died.

We are all different and some of us will accept more help than others but if you do want help and support it is out there for you, you don’t have to do it on your own. Sometimes just having someone to chat to who understands works wonders. Also remember doing something for you if even for a short time can be revitalising.